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• July 2009

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“One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.” – David Letterman

Personally, I can’t believe this is even a story. A second-tier joke by a comedian past his prime and yet it’s managed to get even more attention than Speidi. So what’s the uproar about? Apparently, the daughter that Palin took to the game was her 14-year old, not-yet-knocked-up-daughter, not her 18-year old who had actually been knocked up. Okay, so because Letterman has the research department of Wikipedia, he is now being villainized as a creepy old pedophile. Seems like a bit of a stretch. Clearly, Letterman was making a joke about the promiscuity of Palin’s 18-year old daughter – you know, the one whose promiscuity is not in question, and not that of her 14-year old. He has no way of knowing how strictly she’ll follow the abstinence plan that her older sister is now so wisely touting (a little ex-post facto, but good effort).

Okay, so it may not be the Watts Riots of the 1960s and 90s, but the excessive celebration that occurred in Los Angeles after the Lakers won the NBA Championship is a bit disturbing. I just don’t understand why a good thing (assuming you’re a Lakers fan) results in such destructive and ugly behavior. I seriously doubt it was Clippers fans that were looting local businesses in downtown L.A. as a form of protest. They were Lakers fan. Fans so happy that their team won they couldn’t contain their excitement and just had to throw a brick through a store window.

Swine flu? Are you freaking kidding me? Is that how you repay us for minimum wage jobs and health care? Thanks a lot Mexico.

First, the Macarena, then that bizarre rash I got from that stripper in Cabo and now a killer flu? I’ve championed the plan for California to take over Baja and make it into a giant Disney resort for years. Seriously, every time I drive through that vast, pristine desert full of nothing but cacti I can’t help but think, “What a waste.” Now is our chance. If this isn’t a sign that it’s time to take Mexico out, then I don’t know what is. Much like we used 9/11 as a convenient excuse to attack Iraq, I say we take these swine infested lemons and make some bacon flavored lemonade. (You’re welcome Bacon Salt guys, I just made you another million bucks.)

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